Famous Russian cured of the homosexuality

Timothy Kincaid

September 18th, 2013

The glorious republic of Russia has developed a process for the removal of the homosexuality. So powerful is this process that the known homosexual doesn’t need to be present. In fact, he doesn’t even need to be alive.

While this exciting breakthrough – illustrating Russia’s superior scientific position – has not have yet been tested on insignificant homosexual in the great nation, it has been illustrated as most effective in removing the homosexuality one of the Mother Country’s best known citizens. (Guardian)

Russia’s culture minister has denied that composer Peter Tchaikovsky was gay, discarding what has long been regarded as historical fact. Vladimir Medinsky claimed that there was no evidence to suggest the 19th-century composer was anything other than a lonely man who failed to find a suitable woman to marry.

Experts agree that Tchaikovsky is much pleased with his new status as a lonely man and gives praise to the most excellent President Putin and Minister Medinsky. Bolstered by this astonishing news, the ghost of Rudolf Nureyev has put in a petition with the culture minister to see if he too could qualify for reorientation.

grantdale

September 18th, 2013

“Famous Russian cured of the homosexuality”

Let me guess.

This cure involved the use of magnets?

Matt

September 18th, 2013

Dear Russia,

We are unimpressed at your methods of post-mortem historical revisionism.

Signed,

The Church of LDS

:P

Richard Rush

September 18th, 2013

Who knew that gay people could become ex-gay posthumously? Quick, someone let Voice-of-the-Voiceless know so they can incorporate this revelation into their Pride Month festivities.

But I guess this is not really all that revolutionary. For a long time the LDS Church has been posthumously converting people to Mormonism.

Ben in Oakland

September 19th, 2013

Grant dale–long time no see. How have you two been!

Hue-Man

September 19th, 2013

Now that he’s been de-gayed, is Russia going to de-gay his brother, Modest, who was reportedly more openly gay than Piotr?

Does de-gaying result in a change of neighborhood from the steamy tropics to the more temperate heavenly subdivisions? If so, you really can have your (gay) cake and eat it, too!

Jason

September 19th, 2013

Just wait until NOM or Tony Perkins gets a hold to this information. They will be de-gaying every who has passed away.

Jay

September 19th, 2013

Reparative therapy works much better on the dead than the living.

jerry

September 19th, 2013

It’s a good thing we got to know Frank(Kameny) before he died.

So long Frank it was great to know ya.

Priya Lynn

September 19th, 2013

In other news: Fire in downtown Moscow paves way for glorious new tractor factory.

Argo

September 20th, 2013

Well if the Russian government has definitively said that Tchaikovsky was not gay, then any Olympic athletes or visitors choosing to honor the man (and host country) by wearing his image or adopting the firebird as a symbol of PIT Pride cannot by definition be engaging in LGBT propaganda, right? Sounds like a plan.

Charles

September 20th, 2013

I’d say they need to get a better educated Minister of Culture.

Colin

September 23rd, 2013

Sounds like something out of the North Korean State Media.

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