World’s Ugliest Statue Stolen From Anita Bryant’s Lawn

Jim Burroway

June 4th, 2014

The Oklahoma County Sheriff’s Office is trying to figure out who stole a large marble statue from a Deer Creek couple and how they did it.

The statue weighs a ton and someone took it from the front yard of Anita Bryant’s home.

Bryant and her husband think someone must have been watching them because they were only gone for three hours when it was taken. The thief had to use a forklift to get it off the ground.

“You have got to be kidding me, I just can’t believe that that happened in that quick of time,” Charlie Dry exclaimed. “I mean, I’m still in shock that that planning went on like it did.”

Police are struggling to figure out how someone stole the statue. That, I guess, is their job. Our job is not to ask how, but to ask why would anyone want to steal that?

But there was a silver lining to poor Anita’s bad day. She found a defender over at HLN, where the human cesspool that is Nancy Grace ran a cued-up 37-year-old footage from deep in CNN’s archives of that pie throwing incident in Des Moines, and denounced it because… because… Brad Pit?

“I still remember when I was a little girl, and somebody came up and did this to her, in public. She was speaking on some issue dear to hear heart, and I remember that as a little girl. I mean, she is a lady, to come. I don’t understand that. I don’t understand that, Bethany. I mean, why did that guy do that? That was the first time I recall this happening — to her. I mean, look at her. She makes me think of my own mother. Why would you do this to a sweet lady whether you agree with her politics or not?”

Anita’s ugliness goes way beyond mere statues or principled disagreement over employment policies. That “sweet lady” called gays child molesters (“As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children”), compared our relationships to bestiality and prostitution (“If gays are granted rights, next we’ll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nailbiters”), and thought we should be sent to prison for twenty years (“A felony might make them think twice, especially the young ones”). She staked her career, her celebrity and her public persona on those sweet sentiments. Not that any of that necessarily excuses the throwing of pies or anything else that can conceivable be construed as violence. But there’s violence — 33-year-old Robert Hillsborough was murdered that year in San Francisco; one of his attackers yelled, “This one’s for Anita!” — and there’s “violence” — a fruit pie ruining a sweet lady’s make-up. In the greater scheme of things, a pie is hardly worth getting worked up over after nearly four decades. I would hope that Grace could find some energy to get a little worked up over the Robert Hillsboroughs of the world. But somehow I have a feeling that wouldn’t play to Grace’s demographics. Or to her human side, such as it is.

customartist

June 4th, 2014

Contact Nancy Grace:
http://www.cnn.com/feedback/show/?s=nancygrace&hdln=2
1-877-626-2901

Brad Pitt’s Manager:
Cynthia Pett-Dante
Phone: 310-275-6135

Brad Pitt’s four Agents
Bryan Lourd, Jenny Rawlings, Jon Levin, and Kevin Huvane
Phone: 424-288-2000

Brad Pitt’s Publicist:
Cindy Guagenti
Phone: 310-550-7776

Timothy Kincaid

June 4th, 2014

I suspect her neighbors.

For the property values.

patrick

June 4th, 2014

Give rights to nailbiters? Was there a time nailbiters didn’t have rights? I’m obviously missing something here.

Merv

June 4th, 2014

The statue is obviously designed to sit on a pedestal. It looks kind of silly sitting on the ground.

Priya Lynn

June 4th, 2014

The woman talking to Grace is ignorant, she thinks the perp threw the pie because he was envious of Anita’s celebrity.

Stephen

June 4th, 2014

@Merv. Someday it’s plinth will come.

Leo88

June 4th, 2014

It’s a copy of Bernini’s statue of Louis the fourteenth.
Wouldn’t have pegged her for the French Renaissance type.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equestrian_Statue_of_King_Louis_XIV_%28Bernini%29

jerry

June 4th, 2014

“You have got to be kidding me, I just can’t believe that that happened in that quick of time,” Charlie Dry exclaimed. “I mean, I’m still in shock that that planning went on like it did.”

Yup, it sure does take a lot of planning to scoop it up on a forklift and drive it off.

Hyhybt

June 4th, 2014

It’s not the prettiest statue in the world anyway, but it’s more out of place than ugly. Probably took it because it would annoy her.

Timothy Kincaid

June 4th, 2014

excellent Stephen

Hyhybt

June 4th, 2014

Alternately, especially if the timing really is that tight, she arranged to have it removed to get herself some publicity.

Sort of like how a house fire is more suspicious if, right before it starts, you removed your pets, photo albums, and other irreplaceable items.

Sir Andrew

June 4th, 2014

Props to Stephen.

I’m hoping whoever stole the statue is actually painting it with plans to put it right back in place the next time the bitch and her hubby are out eating at Chik-Fil-A. The face should have plenty of blush with lipstick. And that outfit could use some fuchsia highlights.

Joseph Singer

June 4th, 2014

Nancy Grace isn’t all that much better than that freak Anita Bryant whose “sacred” marriage went up in flames.

Eric Payne

June 4th, 2014

I can’t recall… didn’t someone “close” to Anita (I.e her son or, for some reason I’m thinking her ex-husband) come out?

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