Breaking news: box of rocks will run for presidency in 2016

Timothy Kincaid

December 10th, 2014

The box of rocks has been silent for the past two years after winning no votes in the 2012 GOP presidential primary. A spokesman for the box explained that most people just think the box is dumb and there’s not much use in debating the point.

But now we hear that Rick Santorum will be running again for the Republican nomination, and he’s proved time and again to be dumber than a box of rocks. So far, he’s off to a great start. (WaPo)

Reflecting on how a presidential campaign could be different this time around, Santorum said: “We’re just obviously in a better place right now. Our message will be a lot more focused this time than it was last time.”

Well, obviously!

For now the box is not responding; but the spokesman assures us that if Santorum runs again then the box of rocks will reignite it’s campaign, and the box is sure to benefit by comparison.


December 10th, 2014

This give rocks a bad name. I like rocks!


December 10th, 2014

“We’re just obviously in a better place right now.” Yes. Because being out of politics for a period of time always puts a politician in a better place and helps him win elections .

Timothy, I didn’t hear about the 2014 presidential primaries. Where were they held?

Timothy Kincaid

December 10th, 2014

They were held at Joe’s Waffle House in Pacoima. The Box of Rocks didn’t get a single vote.

(thanks, the date’s fixed)

Richard Rush

December 10th, 2014

It appears that Sanitarium is skirting mighty close to exhibiting symptoms of Albert Einstein’s classic definition of insanity: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Eventually, he may need to be institutionalized.

Gene in L.A.

December 11th, 2014

As someone raised in Pacoima I’m glad my home town is getting some PR, even if only to say that even we aren’t quite backward enough to vote against our own interests.

enough already

December 11th, 2014

Given what we just saw in Arkansas, I’m not so sure but what he doesn’t have a chance.
Young women and gay men are failing to vote their own interests (sorry, Timothy, but letting laws attacking queer people be repealed is against their interests, no matter how you want to define it) and our allies staying home is a big, big problem.
Frothy bag of stones might just win.

Gene in L.A.

December 11th, 2014

Perhaps the person using the name “enough already” would care to explain how “letting” laws attacking queer people be repealed is somehow against our interests. Presumably that means preventing such repeal would be better for us, and the use of “letting” seems to indicate that such repeal will just happen UNLESS we prevent it. This is all illogical, unless “enough already” believes that laws attacking queer people are in fact beneficial to someone.

enough already

December 12th, 2014

…be ‘enacted’, not ‘repealed’…obviously…and you’re just being picky out of nastiness, Gene.

You could as easily have asked whether I’d made a simple mistake.

Leave A Comment

All comments reflect the opinions of commenters only. They are not necessarily those of anyone associated with Box Turtle Bulletin. Comments are subject to our Comments Policy.

(Required, never shared)

PLEASE NOTE: All comments are subject to our Comments Policy.


Latest Posts

The Things You Learn from the Internet

"The Intel On This Wasn't 100 Percent"

From Fake News To Real Bullets: This Is The New Normal

NC Gov McCrory Throws In The Towel

Colorado Store Manager Verbally Attacks "Faggot That Voted For Hillary" In Front of 4-Year-Old Son

Associated Press Updates "Alt-Right" Usage Guide

A Challenge for Blue Bubble Democrats

Baptist Churches in Dallas, Austin Expelled Over LGBT-Affirming Stance

Featured Reports

What Are Little Boys Made Of?

In this original BTB Investigation, we unveil the tragic story of Kirk Murphy, a four-year-old boy who was treated for “cross-gender disturbance” in 1970 by a young grad student by the name of George Rekers. This story is a stark reminder that there are severe and damaging consequences when therapists try to ensure that boys will be boys.

Slouching Towards Kampala: Uganda’s Deadly Embrace of Hate

When we first reported on three American anti-gay activists traveling to Kampala for a three-day conference, we had no idea that it would be the first report of a long string of events leading to a proposal to institute the death penalty for LGBT people. But that is exactly what happened. In this report, we review our collection of more than 500 posts to tell the story of one nation’s embrace of hatred toward gay people. This report will be updated continuously as events continue to unfold. Check here for the latest updates.

Paul Cameron’s World

In 2005, the Southern Poverty Law Center wrote that “[Paul] Cameron’s ‘science’ echoes Nazi Germany.” What the SPLC didn”t know was Cameron doesn’t just “echo” Nazi Germany. He quoted extensively from one of the Final Solution’s architects. This puts his fascination with quarantines, mandatory tattoos, and extermination being a “plausible idea” in a whole new and deeply disturbing light.

From the Inside: Focus on the Family’s “Love Won Out”

On February 10, I attended an all-day “Love Won Out” ex-gay conference in Phoenix, put on by Focus on the Family and Exodus International. In this series of reports, I talk about what I learned there: the people who go to these conferences, the things that they hear, and what this all means for them, their families and for the rest of us.

Prologue: Why I Went To “Love Won Out”
Part 1: What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Part 2: Parents Struggle With “No Exceptions”
Part 3: A Whole New Dialect
Part 4: It Depends On How The Meaning of the Word "Change" Changes
Part 5: A Candid Explanation For "Change"

The Heterosexual Agenda: Exposing The Myths

At last, the truth can now be told.

Using the same research methods employed by most anti-gay political pressure groups, we examine the statistics and the case studies that dispel many of the myths about heterosexuality. Download your copy today!

And don‘t miss our companion report, How To Write An Anti-Gay Tract In Fifteen Easy Steps.

Testing The Premise: Are Gays A Threat To Our Children?

Anti-gay activists often charge that gay men and women pose a threat to children. In this report, we explore the supposed connection between homosexuality and child sexual abuse, the conclusions reached by the most knowledgeable professionals in the field, and how anti-gay activists continue to ignore their findings. This has tremendous consequences, not just for gay men and women, but more importantly for the safety of all our children.

Straight From The Source: What the “Dutch Study” Really Says About Gay Couples

Anti-gay activists often cite the “Dutch Study” to claim that gay unions last only about 1½ years and that the these men have an average of eight additional partners per year outside of their steady relationship. In this report, we will take you step by step into the study to see whether the claims are true.

The FRC’s Briefs Are Showing

Tony Perkins’ Family Research Council submitted an Amicus Brief to the Maryland Court of Appeals as that court prepared to consider the issue of gay marriage. We examine just one small section of that brief to reveal the junk science and fraudulent claims of the Family “Research” Council.

Daniel Fetty Doesn’t Count

Daniel FettyThe FBI’s annual Hate Crime Statistics aren’t as complete as they ought to be, and their report for 2004 was no exception. In fact, their most recent report has quite a few glaring holes. Holes big enough for Daniel Fetty to fall through.