Box Turtle Bulletin

The Golden Rule Day: Just What We Need — Another Platitude

The authors at Box Turtle Bulletin do not share consensus on this issue. For another perspective, please see Timothy Kincaid’s commentary.

Tomorrow is the much-talked-about Day of Silence, a commemoration organized by students across the country to illustrate the pressure that many LGBT kids feel to remain silent in the face of violence, torment and general hostility. This year’s Day of Silence is dedicated to the memory of Lawrence King, the 15-year-old Oxnard, California student who was fatally shot twice in the head by a classmate because he was gay.

Anti-gay activists are clamoring for a strong response to the Day of Silence, but all of their suggestions ignore the very real problem of violence against LGBT students. Instead, they’ve turned their outrage over merely bringing up the subject into a political attack against all things gay, threatening to pull their kids from classroom, stage walkouts, and organize noisy protests in front of schools. They say that calling attention to the fact that kids can actually be murdered is “disruptive,” presumably more disruptive than their own disruptions. But I wonder: how disruptive was Lawrence King’s murder to his classmates and family?

There is one response to the Day of Silence which is unique and notworthy. It is Dr. Warren Throckmorton’s call for a simultaneous Golden Rule Day. The idea behind the Golden Rule Day is that “Christian students” should grab the spotlight by handing out cards printed with the Golden Rule. The cards read simply:

This is what I’m doing:
I pledge to treat others the way I want to be treated.
“Do to others as you would have them do to you.” (Luke 6:31).

The Golden Rule is one of Christendom’s highest tenets. It’s how we all should seek to live. And the Golden Rule represents everything that all of us have ever asked for in our lives, gay and straight alike.

And I am happy to see that one of the expressed statements offered by Dr. Throckmorton in promoting his Golden Rule idea is that

GLBT students and peers as well as other who appear different have been the target of harassment, violence and scorn. We believe this is wrong. The church should lead the way in combating violence and harassment in schools. [Emphasis his]

I’m glad to see that that Dr. Throckmorton has gone straight to the heart of the problem. I believe that he is sincere in his motivation for proposing the Golden Rule Day. I agree that the church should lead the way in combating violence and harassment. And I am happy to see that a few groups are truly taking his suggestions to heart by reaching out to LGBT groups on campus to address this very issue.

I’m glad that Dr. Throckmorton and a few very specific groups have taken on the challenge of discussing anti-gay intimidation and violence. But if people of good faith are willing to talk about anti-gay violence, the Day of Silence was already there as an invitation.
But I am concerned that the Golden Rule Day will go forward without those direct conversations far more often. And under this more likely scenario, I believe there are four critical problems with the Golden Rule Day as it is conceived right now.

A Tool of Division
First, the proposed Golden Rule Day is to be held on the very same conflicting day that LGBT kids are trying to raise awareness to the problems they face, including violence, ridicule, and even death threats. By doing this, the Golden Rule Day too easily becomes a competing counter-event which draws attention away from the very problem that LGBT kids are trying to highlight. At least the organizers of the horribly misnamed “Day of Truth” have the courtesy of holding their event on a different day so as not to appear to infringe upon the Day of Silence. With the Golden Rule Day, LGBT kids don’t even get that.

Second, because the Golden Rule Day is a competing counter event as a response motivated by opposition to homosexuality, it places the Golden Rule itself — one of Western Civilizations most cherished precepts — in opposition to homosexuality. If the Christians are “for” the Golden Rule, then it follows that those who are participating in the Day of Silence aren’t following it. It’s appalling see the Golden Rule become a tool of division, but this is precisely the implications of using the Golden Rule this way.

And this leads directly to my third objection. By framing the Golden Rule Day as a “Christian response” to the Day of Silence, it perpetuates the false Christian vs. Gay dichotomy. I know that it galls a lot of people to suggest that it’s possible to be gay and Christian, but thousands of gay Christians are doing it anyway. But in several parts of the country where Christian identity is paramount and everyone else is worse than terrorists, this can set up a very dangerous dynamic with gay kids caught in the middle — the very dynamic that Dr. Throckmorton seeks to prevent.

And finally — and this, I think, is the biggest problem — the Golden Rule card doesn’t address violence at all. It’s very open ended, allowing it to be exploited in any number of ways. And I do believe it will be exploited because there is a long history of positive sounding messages being turned against us. There is no mention of violence and harassment anywhere on the card, and there is no expectation that such a specific conversation will actually take place.

We’ve heard the “love the sinner, hate the sin” being used to justify the notion that because I really love you, I must condemn your sinful ways, tell everyone you’re caught up in an evil agenda, repeat all sorts of slanders about people like you, and even make harassing phone calls while uttering the most vile accusations.

Too many people believe this is how the Golden Rule works. Incredibly, I’ve even heard non-gay people say that if they were gay, they’d want someone to do everything possible to force them to “stop being gay.” I’m sure Sally Kern believes that pleas to follow the Golden Rule needn’t be directed toward her.

The Golden Rule is one of those wonderful aphorisms which serve more as a Rorschach test than a standard. It can mean whatever anybody wants it to means, allowing it to a provide a “nice” cover for those who have no intention of changing their attitudes or behavior. It’s too easy for the Golden Rule Card to become a sanctimonious, self-righteous and passive-aggressive reaction to the Day of Silence. It allows them to claim the moral high ground — a high ground which by their definition is not a level playing field.

Days and Days of Silence
More than a year ago, I attended a Love Won Out conference in Phoenix put on jointly by Exodus International and Focus On the Family. That’s where I heard Focus’s Mike Haley address anti-LGBT violence in a Q&A session:

I think, too, we also have to be just as quick to also stand up when we do see the gay and lesbian community being come against as the Body of Christ. We need to be the first to speak out to say that what happened to Matthew Shepard was a terrible incident and should never happen again. And that we within the Body of Christ are wanting to protect that community and put our money where our mouth is…

That was a real “Wow!” moment for me. I thought finally, someone gets it. I can’t tell you how encouraged I was to hear Mike Haley say that. It was an ultimate Golden Rule moment. And I can’t begin to describe how disappointed I’ve been since then.

One year later, Lawrence King was killed in cold blood on February 12 in front of his teachers and classmates. Since then, conservative Christians leaders have celebrated seventy-three consecutive Days of Silence.

I’ve searched for Lawrence King’s name on Focus On the Family’s web site and CitizenLink. Guess what? There’s nothing but silence. I’ve searched the Family Research Council’s web site. More silence. Same with American Family Association’s OneNewsNow, the Christian Post, Christianity Today, the Christian Newswire and the Baptist Press. Nobody has raised their voice. Instead, we’ve had days and days of silence all around.

Exodus International, one of the principal sponsors of the so-called “Day of Truth,” has joined this perverse Days of Silence observation as well. I haven’t been able to find any statements of concern or condemnation from Exodus president Alan Chambers, vice-president Randy Thomas, or youth assistant Mike Ensley.

Believe me, I’ve been looking for it because I’d love nothing better than to be able to write a post and say, See? They really are concerned. But none of them could be bothered to put down their instruments of cultural warfare to say, “This was a terrible incident and should never happen again.”

But we do we hear from those who profess to follow the Golden Rule that we are part of an evil agenda, that there is a war between us and them, and that protecting LGBT youth is “worse than the holocaust.” We even hear preachers make light of anti-LGBT violence from their pulpits and threaten teachers who provide a safe place for gay kids to meet.

Oh yes, these people we hear loud and clear. No silence from them at all. And you can bet that each one of them thinks they’re following the Golden Rule.

So forgive me if I see this whole Golden Rule Day in a cynical light. A whole trainload of well-designed cards with yet another scripture quote won’t paper over the problem of anti-LGBT harassment and violence. And using Christianity’s highest ideal as a salve for Golden Rulers’ consciences won’t cut it either. Based on my past experiences with others passing out similar messages, if someone handed me a card like this today I would just throw it in the trash and roll my eyes. I’ve seen too many wonderful statements like this that have turned out to be empty platitudes, and I now find myself suffering from yet another case of déjà vu.

My question is this: what happens the day after everyone has handed out their Golden Rule cards and gone home? Will a conservative Christian leader somewhere suddenly decide to remember Lawrence King? Because I’m still waiting.

If you really want to know how I would have you do unto me, there’s my answer.

Larry King Speaks Up For Lawrence “Larry” King

Mark Malkin talked to GLSEN president Kevin Jennings about Larry King’s Public Service announcement:

GLSEN president Kevin Jennings tells me that King immediately agreed to participate when they contacted him. “Larry King helps us reach the kind of mainstream audience he speaks to every night,” Jennings said. “I don’t necessarily see this as a YouTube phenomenon, but I see this reaching a much more traditional audience.”

Click here to read the transcript.

Hutcherson to Annoy Mt. Si High School Again

Rev. Ken Hutcherson is determined to be a general nuisance and all around pain in the ass.

He has opposed Washington’s non-discrimination laws. He’s threatened Microsoft with a hostile take-over because they support their gay employees. But now he’s set his sights a bit lower – Mt. Si High School where his daughter attends.

He has tried to get two teachers fired. He’s tried to get the Gay-Straight Alliance banned. He harassed and threatened the librarian. And now he’s going to be protesting the schoolkids who observe the Day of Silence.

Oh yeah, while kids on the inside are silently bringing attention to bullying, Hutcherson will be outside presenting himself as a screaming ranting example of the type of threat that gay kids face.

On his church’s website he says

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Prayer Warriors, it’s time to put on your knee pads and start praying! I am organizing a protest of Mt. Si High School and the Snoqualmie Valley School District. We will be protesting at Mt. Si High School on the Day of Silence, April 25 at 10:00 am. We have taken out a huge ad in the Snoqualmie Valley newspaper which will run next Wednesday. Please pray that over 1,000 people will participate.

Enough is enough. We have tried to work with the School District and they will not hear us. They will hear this protest. Pray it up! It’s time to make a moral stand in our public schools.

Pastor Hutch!

Please, no one tell Pastor Hutch that by next Wednesday the event will be over.

The Stranger reports that Hutch also took to the airwaves to spread his own special brand of hate-the-gay.

The Monday radio program that featured Hutcherson claimed that several high schools in and around Seattle are trying to stop the event from happening. All of the schools contacted by The Stranger, however, including some of those mentioned on the program, said the activity is going forward—sponsored by students and without interference from school administrators. “Of course we would hope that there’s tolerance of other people and other lifestyles, on any day of the year and not just one day,” said David Tucker, a Seattle Public Schools spokesperson.

Fortunately, the Reverend Ken Hutcherson will not be the sole voice of Christianity or community to be heard by gay kids at Mt. Si

A group at Tolt Congregational Church in Carnation plans to run an ad beside Hutcherson’s in Wednesday’s edition of the Snoqualmie Valley Record reading, “We are One in The Spirit,” and pledging to support the GSA. Another group, called “Friends of GSA,” is encouraging Snoqualmie residents to confront Hutcherson’s group outside of Mount Si on Friday morning, although McCormick isn’t thrilled about that. “A school is not the right place for this,” she said.

Poor Hutch. His efforts to stop the Day of Silence are not going to be any more effective than his bid to remove domestic partners insurance from Microsoft. But at this point I doubt that he has any illusions about his effectivity; he just likes to see his name in print.

Expectations of Domesticity

One of the arguments from anti-gays in opposition to marriage equality is that gay people don’t want marriage anyway. But a new study from the Rockway Institute Anthony R. D’Augelli, H. Jonathon Rendina and Katerina O. Sinclair of Pennsylvania State University and Arnold Grossman of New York University suggest that not only do gay youth want to be part of a couple, they expect to be.

In what is believed to be the first study of its kind, social scientists have found that many lesbian and gay youth have expectations of spending their adult life in a long-term relationship raising children. More than 90 percent of females and more than 80 percent of males expect to be partnered in a monogamous relationship after age 30. Two thirds of females and more than half of males expressed likelihood that they would raise children in the future.

As gay youth become more aware that they have the opportunity and the right to live their lives openly and with someone they love, the more they grow up expecting to do just that.

It’s ironic, in a way, that the failure of heterosexuals to live up to their own expectations has not jaded gay kids. In a time of 50% heterosexual divorce these kids still believe that love is powerful and meaningful.

Visiting San Diego?

San Diego is worth a visit. The city is charming and friendly with a world famous zoo, beautiful parks, perfect weather, and a thriving gay community. And although it is a military city that leans Republican, they are often of the pro-gay variety and the city is very supportive of its gay residents.

However, not everyone will make you welcome. For example, much of the funding for the anti-gay marriage amendment in California came from San Diego.

Among the major donors to Protect Marriage are a group of San Diego County businessmen. Developer Doug Manchester alone has contributed $125,000 prompting gays to urge a boycott of his properties. Manchester owns the Manchester Grand Hyatt and the San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina.

Mission Valley developer Terry Caster has donated $162,500, Carlsbad car dealer Robert Hoehn gave $25,000, and La Jolla businessman Roger Benson has given $50,000, according to state records.

Now these businessmen are entitled to their opinions and to seek the advancement of their political goals, even if they are designed to harm gay men and women. And we are entitled to avoid giving them a single cent, if possible.

So if you live in San Diego, or are planning a visit, you may wish to avoid patronizing any of the following businesses.

Manchester:

The Manchester Grand Hyatt San Diego
The San Diego Marriott Hotel and Marina
The Grand Del Mar
Whitetail Club & Resort

Caster:

A1 Self Storage (throughout California)
Caster Center and Stadium Park

Hoehn:

Hoehn Mercedes
Hoehn Porsche
Hoehn Audi
Hoehn Infinity
Hoehn Acura
Hoehn Honda

Roger Benson appears to be retired and I am unable to identify his investment or ownership in any business that might be impacted by my spending decisions.

Some activists in San Diego are considering calling for a boycott of the above listed businesses. Complicating matters is that some of the businesses have a national reputation for working with the community. Hyatt, for example, is proud of their perfect score by HRC.

But some are not waiting for an official boycott. GLAAD has already pulled from an event at Manchester’s hotel.

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation announced that it has withdrawn from a “Pride Rocks” event scheduled for the summer at the Hyatt owned by Doug Manchester. The event celebrates gay pride.

The president of the gay and lesbian alliance , Neil Giuliano, said in a news release that Manchester’s decision to fund an initiative that would “hurt loving, committed gay couples makes it impossible for us” to take part in an event that promotes his hotel.

So if you are considering a visit to one of the most beautiful cities in California, by all means please come. Just put some thought into where your money goes while you’re there.

Federal Hate Crimes Bill May Be Revived

Senate Armed Services Chairman Carl Levin has indicated that he hopes to attach hate crimes language to the defense bill either during his committee’s closed-door markup or as an amendment offered during floor debate on the bill.

Last year, Senate Democrats narrowly passed an amendment to the Senate’s FY08 authorization bill to extend the definition of hate crimes to include sexual orientation. That amendment also would have provided federal assistance to state and local authorities investigating and prosecuting hate crimes. It died during the reconciliation process in the House, where members feared a presidential veto.

Arizona House Ditched Veterans To Go After Gays

That bill to place an anti-marriage amendment on the ballot in November that the Arizona House gave preliminary approval to yesterday? It started life as bill that would have established a Vietnam Veterans’ Memorial Day. But the House Judiciary Committee placed a “strike all” amendment to the bill which removed the original language in its entirety and replaced it with something completely unrelated: the anti-marriage amendment.

This had two effects. First, it short circuited the debate and review process. And second, because the new verbiage is attached to an unrelated bill that already has been approved by the Senate, then that means that when the bill returns to the Senate they will only have two choices: Approve the House-passed version of the measure or reject it. There will be no opportunity to amend it.

The House is expected to give final approval to the bill later today. The Senate has not yet scheduled debate. Arizona residents are asked to contact your Senator and House Representatives.

Golden Rule Day Gathers Steam

NOTE: The authors at Box Turtle Bulletin do not share consensus on this issue. Watch for further commentary.

Friday will be the Day of Silence, observed by schoolkids across the nation to remind their peers that LGBT kids are often silenced by homophobia and acts of violence against them. This year, the DOS will be in honor of Lawrence King, a 15 year old kid shot in the head by a classmate for being gay.

At the initiation of the Day of Silence, anti-gays became furious. They saw this as an effort to encourage students to think favorably of homosexuality. And rather than risk a reduction in the cultural rejection of homosexaulity, they harshly objected to any effort to draw attention to the verbal and physical violence that gay students experience every day.

So they started a rebuttal, the Day of Truth. As Daniel illustrated, there’s little truth expressed by DOT, but that’s not important to them. Their primary purpose is to make certain that gay students know that they reject the DOS’ efforts to reduce violence and discrimination against them.

Further efforts to counter the Day of Silence include a call to parents to remove their children from school that day lest they find merit in the anti-violence message.

Often this response leaves gay people and their friends confused. “Shouldn’t Christians be the first to oppose violence and cruelty?”, they ask.

Well that message is finally finding a home. A joint effort by Warren Throckmorton, psychology professor at Grove City College, and Michael Frey, a director with Campus Crusade, seeks to support the message of non-violence.

Throckmorton and Frey are encouraging conservative Christian students to join the silent protest, but to also let their classmates know that it is because of their Scriptural belief in the Golden Rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It now appears that they are finding support from some Christian kids who were a bit uncomfortable with the message of rejection and condemnation.

Some bridges are being built. For instance, a Campus Crusade for Christ group at Slippery Rock recently entered a dialogue with a gay support group on campus and will help lead the call for respectful treatment of all students on campus. Randy Veccia, student leader, says the efforts of both groups will serve “to raise awareness that everyone deserves to be loved.” Christian students in high schools in Greensboro, NC are going to reach out in ways not contemplated before.

And the effort now has the support of Rev. Bob Stith, Gender Issues Strategist for the Southern Baptist convention.

I have long thought Christians were missing a great opportunity by not being more vocal in helping to make our schools safe places for all kids. It doesn’t require that we compromise our beliefs. Indeed it can give us a great opportunity that we might not otherwise have.

What a wonderful opportunity to express our convictions in a way that is positive, loving and redemptive. What a wonderful opportunity to train our children to care about all people, to model the example of Jesus and the woman at the well.

Who knows but what this could even be the beginning of a movement that will turn the tide of school shootings and violence in the hallways?

I have no expectation that any of those involved in this effort will change their theological objection to sexual activity between individuals of the same sex any time soon. Nor do I think that is a reasonable demand to make of them.

Further, I hope that we are all careful that efforts are not made to dis-identify those individuals who are currently being targeted for bullying and violence, thus diminishing the message that these specific people – gay kids – are worthy of decency and love.

But I welcome those conservative Christians kids who are willing to stand up against mistreatment of their gay fellow students, whether or not they are convinced of their salvation. And I believe that as conservative Christian students begin to see their gay classmates as children of God and worthy of respect, and as gay students begin to see conservative Christians as allies rather than oppressors, common ground can be reached.

We can all at some point make our theological arguments on their merits once peace is established. But in the meanwhile lets agree to join forces to fight against the common enemies of violence and brutality.

Arizonans! Your Voices Are Needed

We rarely ask you to do anything. What we generally do is provide you with information and leave it to you to decide whether you want to act on it or not. Today I’m making an exception with this special request to fellow Arizona residents.

The Arizona House of Representatives brought the proposed anti-marriage constitutionaal amendment (SCR 1042) to the floor this afternoon, bypassing the committe process. The final vote is expceted to take place as soon as tomorrow.

As Equality Arizona notes, “the entire arsenal of the Center for Arizona Policy” has been fully deployed to pressure lawmakers to vote in favor of SCR 1042. The Center for Arizona Policy is an official “family policy council” of Focus On the Family for Arizona.

As we reported yesterday, some of those legislators are set to vote against the expressed wishes of their own constituents. Equality Arizona and Wingspan ask that that Arizona residents contact their House representatives and ask them to stop their divisive measures.

Remember: there are two representatives for each legislative district. If you don’t know who your representatives are, the Equality Arizona web site can find them for you. You can even send a message via Equality Arizona. You can also call your representatives as well. Just look them up at the Equality Arizona web site to find your representatives and their phone numbers.

It really couldn’t be easier, and right now it’s important that your voices are heard. Because apparently 775,468 voices in 2006 wasn’t quite loud enough.

How NOT to Write an Article

If one were to write, say, an article about gay Republicans, one might think it smart to interview a living breathing gay Republican. With about a quarter of self-identified gay voters pulling the Republican lever, and with Log Cabin Republicans operating a full time office, these are hardly elusive folks hiding in the shadows.

Yet Charles Kaiser managed to write a piece for Out Magazine without input from a single gay Republican. An excerpt from Washington’s Gay War:

Welcome to gay Washington in the 21st century, where the gay Democrats are proud and out on the Hill and in the lobbying firms on K Street, while many gay Republicans still cower in the closet until they trip themselves up with off-color instant messages to teenage pages, or conduct unbecoming to a United States senator in an airport bathroom.

It really doesn’t improve much as it goes along. Kaiser’s imaginary Washington doesn’t contain Jim Kolbe or any of the many openly gay Republican staffers. Nor does it have any of the many Democrats who are closeted. Riddled with ancient anecdotes and wild assumptions, it has about as much resemblance to “gay Washington in the 21st century” as it does to Narnia. Washington Blade’s Chris Crane perhaps said it best:

The result was a 2,800-word, one-sided hack job that failed to report even one single new fact.

I doubt that Kaiser set out with the intent of maligning a huge chunk of the community. I suspect he is simply a victim of his own limited experiences. Not knowing gay Republicans, he cannot fathom why such a creature would exist. So his article included the opinions of “people like us”, not those oddities.

And in the process he embarrassed himself and his magazine.

But Kaiser’s article can provide a lesson to us all. I have been guilty of writing from the perspective of ignorance and misunderstanding. We have all made assumptions about the motivations and intentions of others, especially those who we perceive as anti-gay, and in the process painted wide swathes of people with the same brush.

I like to believe that at Box Turtle Bulletin we try to avoid presumptions and stereotypes to the best of our abilities. But this incident has served for me as a reminder that care should be taken to avoid making broad declarations about those with whom I am not familiar.

Another Reason To Love Arizona

It’s a proven fact: our skies are just more colorful than yours.

Truth In Upcoming “Day Of Truth” Hard To Find

The religious right legal group Alliance Defense Fund started an anti-gay “Day of Truth” in response to the pro-gay “Day of Silence.” The “Day of Truth” is little more than an excuse to push ex-gay misinformation on queer youth in public schools which prompted me to make a video examining and mocking ideas promoted by the “Day of Truth.”

Fit For Military Service

The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network (SLDN) reports on the morals waivers granted to potential soldiers. The Military believes the following is acceptable within the history of their servicemember:

• manslaughter
• kidnapping or abduction
• rape, sexual assault, criminal sexual assault, incest or other sex crimes
• indecent acts or liberties with a child
• terrorist threats including bomb threats

But what would cause the complete and utter breakdown in military cohesiveness? What is that one thing that good southern Christian boys would be unable to overlook due to their upbringing and moral character? What is worse than a killer, rapist, child molester or terrorist?

They must be getting answers from Sally Kern.

California Anti-Gay Marriage Amendment Petitions Submitted

The San Francisco Chronicle is reporting that the anti-gay group, Protect Marriage, has submitted their signatures to the county registrars to place an amendment on the November ballot.

A coalition of religious groups called Protect Marriage collected more than 1.1 million signatures in support of the amendment, said Brian Brown, executive director of the California office of the National Organization for Marriage.

The initiative needs 694,354 signatures, or 8 percent of the votes cast in the last governor’s race, to make it onto the ballot. However, a large percentage of signatures tend to be invalid so petition goals were at 1.1 million.

When I checked their site last week, Protect Marriage was still about 50,000 short. Their website currently is not self-congratulatory, but the Chronicle may be right in their reporting. But even if they are a little short, there is still a good chance that the sample validation may prove that adequate signatures were raised.

If this reaches the ballot for November, there will undoubtedly be an expensive and fierce battle within the state. Fortunately, the Governor has promised to oppose the constitutional amendment, which will be very helpful for appealing to moderates.

UPDATE: the Protect Marriage website now states “We have received over 1.1 million signatures to qualify the California Marriage Protection Act for the ballot!”

Typical Stacy Harp

There are two types of anti-gays, those who are serious about their beliefs but are willing to listen to yours, and those who are hateful and just downright nasty.

I believe that most anti-gays fall into the former category. They may operate under the assumption that they are in complete knowledge of all things (because God told them so) and they aren’t likely to change their opinions, but at least they aren’t vile people. And some may over time soften their positions a little.

But for an example of the latter type, check out this conversation on Kevin Kaatz’ site between Stacy Harp and Joe Brummer (audio recording of a telephone call).

Wow.

I really pity anyone who has to spend much time around Stacy.