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Carol Boltz’s Blog

Jim Burroway

December 9th, 2008

On Monday, we presented Ray Boltz’s new video, “Don’t Tell Me Who To Love.” That video and single came out just a few months after Boltz, a popular Contemporary Christian Music singer, came out of the closet publicly. He had come out privately some years earlier to his wife and other close associates.

Carol Boltz has been through a lot over the past few years. It’s one thing for the straight spouse to deal with a husband who has had to tell her that he’s gay. It’s quite another thing entirely when that husband is a well-known public figure.

Carol has a blog now, and she’s telling her side of the story. It’s a tremendous act of courage, as well as support:

Today I realized that I have recently signed two comments on my friend, Peterson’s, blog, with the closing, “my heart goes out to you.” I was responding to another wife, like me, of a gay man. She, like me, had all of the emotions to deal with when this deep secret was revealed. I can’t know how best to help this woman, but I knew that I could identify and share what has helped me. By closing in the way I did, I hope that she knows that someone else has been where she is today, and I lived through it.

Somehow I have made it out of my Christian fundamentalism, and the misconceptions of homosexuality that I had previously known, to a bigger understanding of gay people. My faith has been shaken, but it is still there. Without sounding presumptuous, and I surely don’t have all the answers to so many questions, I have grown more than I even thought or dreamed possible.

Many things have helped me in the past [almost] four years, and there are ways that hope has entered my life and my heart. I hope that I can offer that to other wives of gay men, and perhaps to my friends who read this, too.

Her blog is not only heartfelt and courageous, but it also has some great gems of simple common sense:

Speaking up for gay marriage, it is my belief that besides all the reasons mentioned in this article, it would make more sense for gay people to marry gay people, than for them to marry straight ones.

This is a blog by a woman who is still trying to sort things out from a very difficult position. I hope you will visit, read, and learn — and offer your words of support.

[Hat tip: Peterson Toscano. Even though Carol is my Facebook friend, I'm embarrassed to say I didn't know about her blog.]

Comments

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Regan DuCasse
December 10th, 2008 | LINK

Love. Love like this, will bring people to tremendous understanding through their pain and confusion. I do commend Carol for her courage for coming to that understanding.

The real tragedy is that religious and conservative communities don’t ALLOW a gay person to be honest enough so such marriages don’t take place.

Why not have gay people marry other gay people?
The courts here in CA found no rational reason that they shouldn’t.
And certainly the traditional approach to encouraging these marriages is all too obviously ill advised and extremely risky.

And because these results are common, why do said conservatives continue to encourage all this?

Our friend at exgaywatch, Pam Ferguson has been so generous and smart and as an educator…and diamond for everyone.

kevin
December 11th, 2008 | LINK

Although I’m certainly glad Ray and Carol Boltz have come around to see that being gay does not equal being sinful, I’m somewhat disappointed that those in the Evangelical community seem to only to have these revelations when someone they personally know comes out.

If I’m a Christian, do I really have to be affected personally by prejudice and church-based bigotry to realize that it’s wrong no matter who’s at the receiving end?

Should we wait for the whole world to announce it’s gay before we love people for whom God made in his image?

There’s continues to be a disconnect in the Evangelical mind about the message of Jesus and their role in demonizing queers.

Just look at the shoddy treatment Lonnie Frisbee received at the hands of his “brothers” – and he basically started this whole “contemporary Christian” scene.

deb
January 27th, 2009 | LINK

I’m just now reading this post after learning of Carol Boltz’s blog last week. She writes from the heart.

What she has to say is a gift to those who read it. She is a courageous, compassionate woman with a good heart.

serena
March 26th, 2009 | LINK

My heart was broken when I first heard about Ray Boltz. My prayers go out to Carol & her family. I also pray for Ray, too. It’s sad that he has allowed the enemy to bewitched him to give into that sin. Spirits are real! Our Lord has given us power (the Holy Ghost)to fight! I’m sorry that Ray, Tonex, James Cleveland, and others couldn’t find a real believer to pray & advise them how to defeat this spirit. Homosexuality is a choice. You chose who you sleep with. Where’s the word that they sing about? “Let this mind be in you which is also in Christ Jesus?I love the people, but like the Lord hate the sin. Let’s love our brothers & sisters back to Christ with prayer & compassion. Their souls are at stake and they need the real saints of God to war in the spirit for them. Let’s shout the War Cry that Jesus is still all mighty and in control. And He can deliver anyone from anything.

Eddie89
March 27th, 2009 | LINK

I too believe in the existence of “spirits”.

Some of their names are: Scotch, Whiskey, Brandy, Tequila, Vodka, Gin, Rum and Cognac!

Other than these “spirits”, there has been no tangible, scientific evidence of the existence of any other type of spirits.

Other than the drinkable ones.

If anyone has proof otherwise, please elucidate.

Timothy Kincaid
March 27th, 2009 | LINK

Serena,

I’m sorry that Ray, Tonex, James Cleveland, and others couldn’t find a real believer to pray & advise them how to defeat this spirit.

Oh, Serena, if only they had you. I’m sure you, a “real believer” have the inside track to God, an ability to command the Holy Spirit to do as you wish, and advice that is far superior to what these guys had.

After all, they only had access to absolutely any person in Christendom. They had access to the best known ministers, those most annointed, those with the greatest degree of learning and the most experience. They had access to those who specialize in the “spirit of homosexuality”, in research, study, theory, practice, prayer, and devotion.

And they spent years, decades, trying to change who they were inside. And, after all of this, Serena, they discovered that God aparantly has no intention in making same-sex attracted persons be heterosexual. It seems, Serena, that He wants them the way he created them.

But oh, Serena, if only they had you. You could have changed them in an instant. Because you, Serena, know more than everyone. Unlike everyone else, you are a real believer.

Angie
May 5th, 2009 | LINK

Oh my, Timothy, please stop the sarcasm. Serena is exactly right. She obviously is not saying that she knows more than everyone, etc.; please don’t put these words in her mouth.
Any one who reads the Bible reads that homosexuality is an abomination to God. That’s IT – PERIOD. Any one can say anything they want – but that’s what GOD says. And God is the One with the power to do whatever He wants, not you or me. He is the rule-maker. If we want to disobey Him, that’s our choice.
People who have chosen to live as homosexuals are doing just that – they are NOT born that way. God did not create Man, Woman, and It. They have let themselves into sin. God loves them, but hates their sin. We pray for them that they would be set free.
We pray for God’s mercy on this country as it goes down the path of so many past empires who have collapsed after embracing homosexuality. It is a sad thing.

Scott P.
May 5th, 2009 | LINK

Angie,

Do you have a degree in Ancient Hebrew? Have you done your own translation of the the Torah? Do you have a complete, working knowledge of Aramaic and Ancient Greek? Have you examined the actual manuscripts? Or do you rely on the King James version, with all it’s purposeful mistranslations?

Please don’t tell the rest of us what what the Bible says until such time as you actually know what it truly means, and not what you’ve interpreted it to mean through the filter of what your ministers, preachers and priest have told you it means.

TJ McFisty
May 5th, 2009 | LINK

“And God is the One with the power to do whatever He wants, not you or me.”

Then everything must be hunky dory with Sky Daddy since The Gay keeps on, keeping on regardless of era or empire.

It’s either that or He’s not powerful enough to stop The Gay on His own.

Ty
July 23rd, 2010 | LINK

For those of use who so longingly look to home knowing that a most challenging choice in this time — to walk out of homosexuality — means beating the odds stacked against us. It has been with much grace and a revelation for perseverance that has made the difference. Peace is found through righteousness. Not giving in. To learn of this story of a Christian icon… it is tempting to see it as a blow to the progress those of us who stand and believe homosexuality is not God’s best for his children. The world does not make it easy, and this seems to destroy from inside the ranks. God’s word is truth. He has made it clear. How deceived does a believer have to be to be comfortable with this? If you think of the message behind the song Thank You. — the implication is that small choices in life could mean so much more for others. Ray Boltz’s choices will effect others. He will have to stand before God. My heart hurts for him and those his choices impact. The word is clear. Immediate peace does not equate to eternal acceptance. It seems so poetically sorrowful. As a man who boldly walked out of homosexuality and into the arms of Christ, I do not celebrate the choice of Ray Boltz to come out , nor do I support his ex-wife’s decision to be ‘okay with it’. I am deeply saddened by this. Homosexuality is a choice. A complicated one… a challenging one… but it is not larger than Christ. It is still a choice. I am deeply hurting over what I have learned and I will continue to pray for your family, Carol. We love you and your ex-husband. Blessings to you.

Timothy Kincaid
July 23rd, 2010 | LINK

Ty,

I know that you desperately need to believe that homosexuality is a choice and a sin. Otherwise all of your struggling and effort is in vain.

But I hope some day you will give up your struggle to be other than the way that God created you and find peace in Christ. Peace in knowing that the Law and the Prophets and Leviticus and all of the effort to be good enough for God can be set aside and that you can simple enter into relationship with Christ.

The only choice here is whether to live in peace with yourself and with God or whether to continue to try and live up to expectations that God doesn’t even have for you.

Priya Lynn
July 23rd, 2010 | LINK

Ty said “Peace is found through righteousness. Not giving in.”.

When I rejected my sexuality I was an extremely angry and unhappy person. Now that I’ve given in to who I am and married a man I’m extremely happy, often euphoric. Accepting who you are when you’re hurting no one is righteousness – you’ll only find peace by accepting that.

cheryl
January 18th, 2011 | LINK

Ty,
Thanks so much for taking this stand in such a loving and compassionate manner. I too love the Boltz family and have been blessed by Ray’s annointed songs.
My heart is deeply saddened as yours and I will continue to pray for their family. My heart is grieved for all who manipulate Scripture to justify lifestyles and choices not supported by scripture. You, Ty are living proof that people can come out of Homosexuality. I know many others who have also, yet are condemned for doing so…this is strange to me…seems horribly intolerant.
Anyway, thanks for your courage for speaking out…though not politically correct-I believe the Lord will bless you for being true to God’s Holy Word.
With Love and compassion,
In Christ Jesus
Cheryl

Priya Lynn
January 18th, 2011 | LINK

Cheryl said “My heart is grieved for all who manipulate Scripture to justify lifestyles and choices not supported by scripture.”.

No one needs to justify a life that harms no one and whether you think your fictional bible supports that is irrelevant.

Cheryl said “You, Ty are living proof that people can come out of Homosexuality.”.

No, Ty is living proof that people can suppress who they are and live a wasted life of lonliness and denial to please someone who does not exist.

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